Is Jesus Enough?

Lindsey (and whoever else may be reading this) I want you to know that I think that upper room message you posted about a few posts ago may have changed my life. So first I just wanted to say thank you...thank you for being willing to share with us out here in the internet world and being open to God's leading so that He could use you to shine His light.

I know many of you have probably not heard the message but the main jist of it was "Is Jesus enough?" And for the past year and a half or so He hasn't been...I have been stuck...alone...depressed...wandering...whatever word you want to put on it and one of the many things that has suffered as a result is my marriage. Anyway, I realized tonight that I've had it all wrong these past months of my life...I had it all wrong going into my marriage...I had it wrong about relationships in general. Because you see when Jesus is enough we are not seeking anything from anyone else....which translates to me...its not about what someone else can or cannot offer me....its about connecting with Jesus and then looking at what I can offer someone else. This may not make sense to you guys, but it has completely flipped my whole understanding of marriage...because while yes I want to be married to someone who "loves" me (I put that in quotations because so often love is translated SO completely differently by spouses and doesn't get translated as love to us..so do we ever really feel like we are truly loved by our spouse?) I see now that I have been completely selfish...and the only place that leads me is to feel constantly "thirsty" or seeking reassurance that my husband loves me....yes completely needy and neurotic...which only leads to dissappointment and fights...its not about him loving me and "completing me" or being my other half...its about me being complete and connected in Christ and then offering all I have to him....my prayer is that I continue on that road

Saying Goodbye

Tonight is my last night of youth group with these kids!:( I resigned from my position in the church, and I fully believe it was a God decision...but man will I miss these kids. So in good old blogger fashion here's my top ten tribute to the youth at Promise of what I will miss the most...
10. Being completely ignored as I try and explain the rules to an extremely fun game we are going to play.
9. The deep discussions questioning life and God
8. The midnight or 6am birthday parties
7. The hugs and the tears
6. The naked horseback riders
5. Crazy frog scavenger hunts
4. Laughing so hard food spits out of your mouth
3. Chinese fire drills
2. When you can see the light come on

And the number one thing I will miss the most.......
SOFT PORN!! - STAY OFF OF EACH OTHER:)...and stop watching it too!

God is Amazing

As many of you know, this past year of my life has been extremely hard on me...I feel anxious, depressed, lonely, overwhelmed, and extremely burnt out most of the time. Because you all are extremely bright people you can probably deduct that I'm not able to "accomplish" much in this state. I mean it takes everything in me to get out of bed in the morning, let alone plan youth nights, attend retreats and trips, deal with people, etc. etc. So I have been trying to lay off on the pressure that I've placed on myself to do too much too soon. In actuality these are all pretty words to say that I stay in my apartment by myself when I can just to get away, I barely "accomplish" two tasks a day that really mean anything (not including emails, chatting with friends, and myspace!), and I am basically just getting by...doing as little as possible so that I don't go crazy. Now, why do I tell you this? To show you how amazing our God is...last night the high schoolers showed up for youth group and of course they were all "high" off their candy and no school that day BUT they were bugging me and bugging me about how much they love youth group and wish it was more than once a week. Then after talking awhile they were like, why can't we have it another day? And I said there is no reason, you just have to pick a day that would work...Tuesday-no it can't be Tuesday I have hula...Thursday -no Grey's Anatomy is on....what about Monday?-no one has anything on Monday? Jayme can we have youth group again on Mondays too? I'm sitting there kind of in a silent shock through this whole process and I say sure, why not? And they all like went wild...are you serious?...we can have it twice a week?...that's awesome!!! Can we start this Monday?

So, without any planning, recruiting, advertising, etc. God has managed to allow these youth one more opportunity that they are super excited about in which they can at least experience Him and know that He is the purpose of the gathering. It just blows my mind that as big of a schmuck as I have been this past year, He is still working through me, even when I do nothing.

Reason I included the picture: for your eye viewing pleasure as well as the fact that this is the passion that God has placed in my life...for us as Christians to portray Christ to people around us, but just as importantly to SEE Christ in the people around us.

Humiliated

Hey everyone...this is my public confession:/ So as you all know or could know by reading my blogs I have been down lately...well part of this whole situation for me is being extremely angry at unreasonable times. This is not an excuse for the behavior but I think where the anger comes from is that there is so much in my life that I feel like is controlling me and that I feel like tells me that I'm wrong all the time and because I can't let out my anger in those situations I end up letting it out in these other ones....

Today I was driving my car back to the office after lunch and for those of you who don't know California traffic...its just ridiculous...no rhyme or reason for anything and everything is backed up. Well, to get onto the expressway this truck cuts me off and then proceeds to SLOW DOWN enough that other cars can get in front of him....THEN he stops at the yellow light when he could have made it and we are stuck for another light (which is like another 5 minutes!) So in my ever patient ways I scream "OH, MY GOD!!!" Only then did I happen to realize that both my front windows were open and so was the guys in front of me. He proceeds to roll down his window the whole way...lean his body out...and glare at me! For a second there I thought I was a dead woman. Not only was I scared for my life, but I was mortified...I responded like an uncontrollable 3 year old and I don't understand why those things frustrate me so much that I literally had to scream loud enough in my car that someone in another car could hear me? So yeah...like I said...this is my public confession. I can't apologize to the man but I am sorry...he really didn't do anything wrong. And my anger was way out of context!

Piece of advice...if you have road rage...keep your windows rolled up:)

Wait for the Lord

These hands strike a chord within my sould. I'm not sure why...maybe its because they are in dark colors, maybe because they are empty, or maybe its because I feel as if they are beseeching the Lord as I so often find myself doing these days...using words so close to the Barlow Girls song..."please mend this broken heart...somethings gotta change....this can't be the way...please mend this broken heart of mine." For so long I have felt lost and without direction. But recently I began to hear God's promises again....I will restore you...I will fight for you...I AM the God who saves! So in my ever patient way...I immediately was looking for action and became distraught quickly because nothing was happening....

And then again today God gave me direction..."Wait for the Lord: be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord." Psalm 27:14 What a hard thing to do.....but at the same time being able to know that it is God who is acting and not me...priceless! These hands remind me so much of myself right now...empty, reaching, alone, but most importantly open and pointed up....I just pray God continues to keep me as faithful.

Nothing too exciting:)

Hey guys...I don't really have any fun stories or new and exciting news, but I thought I would just say hi since I haven't written in awhile. Now that I think about it the time since I have last updated this thing has been filled with....STRESS!!! We just opened our preschool 2 weeks ago and let me tell you...it almost didn't happen. Testament to God's provision and grace, but still it was not much fun being around here the past month. Now we are up and running, we have 60 students, room for 140 more and I got a new office!!!! And of course with a new office comes the ever realistic reasoning to buy new stuff for that office!!! I got a new chair, a new lamp with funky twisty arms for the lights (i'm sure you've all seen one like it), a new rug, a new bulletin board, ummmm...new lightbulbs...a new clock, and I think that's about it!!! But it was way fun decorating and I now love my office:) It really hasn't felt like home until now in here..especially since first I was in the Pastor's house, then in a rented house...etc. It's just nice to have a "real office." I know...I'm a nerd:)!!!

I Have A NEPHEW!!!!!

Josiah John Niederstadt was born on August 8th, 2006 at 9:17 in the morning! He was 8lbs 2oz. and 191/2 inches long!!!!! What a blessing to get a boy after having all girls! Isn't he just the cutest thing you've ever seen!!!!?

Our Group that went down....the best ever!!! This is us at the entrance of La Bufadora (which basically means blowhole!)...we took some time for a long lunch to see the sights around us. I think we're looking pretty good for our fourth..yes count them four..day without a shower!



We found out when we got there that our main job would be to drywall a building for the community center and were worried about not being able to work with any children...little did we know that the neighborhood kids would come EVERYDAY to hang out with us!

This is me...destressing in the middle of a long day! I HATE banana runts and laffy taffy!

Us at morning chapel. We had chapel every morning and every night after we got back from our ministry sites and our group rushed to the front row every time!!! God is good:)

Who says that girls can't use a hammer? Our team was amazing! They took this drywall project and mastered it! Never once did we hear a complaint, have people that didn't want to work, or have to ride anyone to get involved or change their attitude!!! They amazed me that week!

Guys...it was an amazing trip! I could go on forever about all the God things that happened. Like we got pulled over and our translator talked to the guy and he let us go (we didn't have our insurance or passports on us). Then on the way home one of the boys didn't have any id, birth certificate or anything on him because they had to send it in from the camp for his immigration stuff and the border patrol guy asked everyone in the van EXCEPT this boy! There were 9 people in there! I saw a girl smile for real for the first time since I have been here and to hear her talk about God and how awesome He is, how real He is to here, etc....that was awe inspiring! Two of our leaders decided to wash everyone's feet one day when we got back from camp and we all got to wash our hair at the place we were working at! It may seem like trivial stuff...but God was moving and it was amazing to see:)